Sometimes kids say things we adults don’t quite understand, words that have a different meaning than we at first thought we comprehended.
Such was the case when Eli, our almost seven-year-old grandson, accompanied Lori and me as we signed some financial documents. Eli saw the pictures of the financial manager’s children in his office and asked about them— how old they were, and if he played with them.
“Abigail is 8, she likes gymnastics; Cassidy is 11, she likes to play golf,” Mr. Curtis Reams, the financial manager, said. He was looking forward to seeing them as soon as his work was done.
“Why don’t you just go home? “Eli asked.
“Well, I’m not the boss,” Curtis grinned as he explained to Eli, “my boss isn’t here today.”
It was then that Eli said, “Well, if you don’t have a boss, I’ll be your boss.”
We all chuckled, and Curtis smiled at Eli, “I like the way you’re thinking; you’re going to go places.”
On the surface, it seemed like a six-year-old child was simply wanting to be boss, so he could take charge of Curtis’ work and maybe tell him what to do.
I smiled, thinking there’s a lot a child that age doesn’t understand about being the one in charge: like sometimes working less than ideal hours, or taking the extra training to acquire the skills necessary for that particular position, or dealing with problems employees encounter on a daily basis, or being willing to make unpopular decisions.
No, Eli just didn’t understand what he was saying when he offered to be Curtis’ boss, though our grandson’s comment had prompted a good laugh from all of us in the office that afternoon.
But something about the serious look on Eli’s face when he said he was willing to be Curtis’ boss caught my attention and piqued my interest.
So, I decided to probe.
Later, after we had left, I asked Eli: “What’s a boss do?”
“Actually, I don’t know, PopPop,” he matter-of-factly answered.
“Then what did you mean when you told that man you were willing to be his boss?” I continued.
“Well, it seemed like he didn’t have anybody who wanted to be his boss, and I was willing to be his, if he didn’t have anyone for that.”
“Ahh,” I said, “I think I get it. Like at school if someone doesn’t have a friend, or someone to play with, and you volunteer to be a friend or to play with them?”
“Yeah, PopPop, that’s it. And I wanted him to get to play with his kids.”
Eli may not have the skills required for a supervisor: he may not know how to formulate a vision statement, implement action plans, conduct performance reviews, or attempt to resolve employee conflicts.
But he does have a sense for what is perhaps the first requirement of anyone in leadership: a heart of compassion.
In fact, leadership author and coach, Lolly Daskal, says compassion “is the one trait every successful leader must have.”
And, Marc Lesser, co-founder and former CEO of SIYLI (Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute), believes that a central aspect of cultivating mindfulness is in deepening both our compassion for ourselves and others.
“It begins,” he says, “with the intention to see as others see and feel as others feel,” enabling “leaders to fulfill their own potential and unleash it around others for the greater good.”
Compassionate leadership is as all about transcending the traditional measures of organizational performance to address the human condition at the heart level. From American Express to Ford, corporations are beginning to see a ROI (rate of investment) from compassionate leadership that’s worthy of further investments, according to Fobes.com (Compassionate Leadership: A Call to Lead from both Head and Heart, May 21, 2017)
So, let it grow and expand, Eli, and who knows, maybe we’ll see you and others at the top one day, leading not just from the head but from the heart, with a healthy dose of tenderhearted compassion.