Where did you come from
Ms. angry, red-faced driver?
French fries by my side.
As I edged out of the Sonic drive-through, I checked to my left and then to my right. Seemingly, out of nowhere, there she was, a safe 60 feet away, at a standstill, as was I. “So, what’s the problem?” I thought to myself.
But, raising both hands in the air in a “What are you doing?” expression, she squinched her face, letting me know I had offended her.
During this COVID era, I seem to encounter people teetering dangerously close to emotional cliffs. Some people get offended if you don’t mimic them when they pull down their mask, while others seem upset if you do; some parents fear the possibility of their children returning to school too soon, while others are upset that classes may remain remote. Some people are offended if you don’t return a handshake, and if you do, by-standers raise their eyebrows.
Frustration seems to spill out in so many ugly ways.
Dr. David H. Rosmarin, assistant professor of psychology in Harvard Medical School’s Department of Psychiatry and a clinician at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, said in an interview with The Harvard Gazette,” We’re definitely seeing tensions heightened in families: domestic violence, domestic abuse. There’s some indication of child mistreatment increasing. People are more on edge and one of the ways that they express that is through anger, which obviously is not healthy.”
What can you do to keep your calm? Recognizing it when you’re getting angry is key to dealing with the inevitable frustrations during this age of COVID. Self-awareness, being IN the moment, enables you not to be a victim OF the moment. Otherwise, you may find yourself yelling, screaming, or shaking your fists before you recognize what you’re doing. Self-awareness helps you sense when that feeling of adrenalin begins surging from the solar plexus to your throat, where, if unchecked, poisonous words spew from your mouth. Sensing it at least gives you a chance to push the pause button, saving yourself from misery.
To help yourself do this, think of why you are feeling angry. Whenever I get emotionally involved in negative ways, it’s often because “I” am too much in the picture. I am too concerned about ME, what MY rights are, and whether someone is infringing on MY time. Shrinking my ego, asking how I might “console rather than be consoled, understand rather than be understood, love rather than be loved,” in the words of St. Francis of Assisi, leaves room for God to work in my life.
This recognition is not birthed in the aggravation of a heated moment but in the quietude of meditation, where it nurtures you with the serenity to deal with people when they behave in nasty ways.
Whenever I’ve not been able to take the time for quiet and stillness early in the morning, I’m not as directed and mindful for the rest of the day and more likely to say something I will regret later.
Maybe that lady at the Sonic drive-through was frustrated because she was virtual learning with her kids, or perhaps someone pulled down their mask and coughed in her direction, or maybe she was frustrated about the election results. I don’t know.
What I do know is that I looked in her direction, smiled, and then, putting my hands together, palm to palm, raised them so she could see them, as if I were saying, “Peace.”
I don’t know if that helped her, but I do know that driving away, I felt a sense of calm and contentment, the fruit of staying grounded in my true self.
The aroma of the Sonic fries next to me smelled all the tastier.
So, if you think I’ve infringed on your traffic lane, or if I’m wearing a mask when you feel I don’t need to, or if I distance myself from you when you speak, it’s okay. Relax and smile. We’ll both get through this crisis much better if we “seek peace and work to maintain it.”