To whom it may concern: George Gallup Public Opinion Research:
I’d like to suggest an opinion poll you need to conduct: a survey on the most annoying words and phrases people use. Your readers can then read the results of your respective research and be enlightened, avoiding using those expressions that irritate sensitive people like me.
You need to let me be the first to participate in your survey since I’m suggesting it. First on my list is the phrase: “You need to.” Like a firecracker in a crowded airport, the term immediately creates havoc. Just the words, “You need to,” even if you know the speaker is right, skyrockets the adrenalin, creating an instantaneous resistance to the suggestion. So, you need to include that phrase in your survey.
I have several other suggestions. No offense, but if you’ve done this, you need to stop saying, “No offense, but…” The “no offense” precursor is like saying, “I’m getting ready to say something that’s probably brutal but don’t get defensive about it because I warned you.” You need to tell people to stop doing that. No offense, but it’s irritating.
Which brings me to another annoying phrase: “We’re good, right?” This one is especially bothersome because it’s usually spoken when the listener disagrees with what someone is saying, and then suddenly they drop that line, “We’re good, right?” It’s like they’re putting their arm around someone’s neck, “We’re going to get rid of Bugsy, quiet-like. Then we’ll throw his body in the East River. We’re good, right?”
“No, no,” you want to throw up your hands, “I’m neither good nor right with it.” Unfortunately, by then, their verbal embrace is bringing you in for a hug with something you may detest.
You also need to include the phrase, “It is what it is,” among the options for your respondents to mark as annoying. What does “It is what it is” mean, anyway? “I can’t change the situation?” “Accept things like they are?” Who knows what it means?
And that brings me to another suggestion: “At the end of the day,” which is a close cousin to “It is what it is.” What exactly does “at the end of the day” mean? “Because the sun is setting, everything somehow comes into focus?” Or does it mean “Finally” or “Ultimately”? And have you noticed that people use this troublesome phrase at all hours of the day, not just “at the end of the day”?
And remember to include, “Never mind.” How frustrating it is to ask for an explanation when you don’t agree with someone and they reply, “Never mind.” It stops the conversation cold, making it seem like you’re too simple or insensitive to understand. Forget about inquiring, “What do you mean?” because they can repeat, “Never mind.”
One last annoyance: it often comes when you’ve had a bad day. For instance, someone has T-boned your car, and you’re in the hospital for observation. Your wife arrives and says, “Honey, did you renew the car insurance because I sure didn’t.” And you wince as you prop up on one elbow to plead for an explanation. “What?” you inquire, and your mother-in-law chimes in from the corner of the room, “Now calm down.” Anything you say at this point will appear as though you’re upset. The phrase assumes you’re out of control before you’re out of control or even venture an objection.
So there you are. I do hope you’ll take my advice. It’s something you need to do, but of course, no offense, because at the end of the day, it is what it is, so “just do it,” and oops, there’s another annoying phrase, but never mind.
We’re good, right?