My wife, Lori, and I took an Alaskan cruise to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. After boarding the ship, the cruise director held an optional orientation meeting. During his introduction, he involved the crowd.
“How many of you are celebrating a wedding anniversary this week?” was followed by, “How many have been married five years?” Many responded, but the show of hands decreased as the anniversary years increased, with several couples acknowledging 20 and 30 years, a few at 50, and the longest-married couple celebrating their 61st anniversary.
“What’s your secret?” the cruise director shouted to the couple sitting in the auditorium’s back row. Only those close to the husband could hear his answer. Nonetheless, everyone applauded, and the cruise director continued his presentation.
I remained curious, wondering what the gentleman had said in answer to the question about the secret of a long and enduring marriage.
I saw the couple at dinner a few days into the cruise. “Isn’t that the couple married 61 years?” I asked Lori, who wasn’t sure.
“Sir,” I inquired as I stopped at their table. “Excuse me, but aren’t you the couple married for 61 years?”
“Yes, that’s us,” he said proudly.
“I couldn’t hear your answer to the secret of staying married 61 years. Would you mind telling me what you said?”
“Treat her like you did when she was young,” he loudly whispered. His wife seemed teased, even elbowing him as he answered me. From his words and their demeanor, I could see that their love was still vital and alive. He had apparently been intentional in treating his wife like he did when they were young.
After thanking and congratulating them, I turned to walk back to Lori to report my findings, but I couldn’t help but ponder.
Looking at Lori sitting there, I thought, “I hope I love Lori better than I did when I was younger.”
Our relationship falls into three parts of “younger”: one as young teenagers, then as young middle-aged adults, and today, as young seniors. (Maybe years from now, we will be “Young Oldies.”) This October, we will celebrate 50 years since our first date. After several years of dating as teenagers, we went separate ways, only to meet again years later, a miracle of God’s grace.
Our love has deepened, matured, and remained steady, strengthened, yet tender through life’s curves and crashes over the past twenty years. I certainly didn’t have that as a senior in high school on our first date at Sonic Drive-In. And though I loved deeply as a middle-aged adult, I would like to think my love deepens and widens as I age.
How is that possible?
The prophet Isaiah wrote, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of God stands forever.”
Like the grass, all of us wither and, like flowers, we fade. If love is to stay green and fruitful, something within must revitalize it. The word of God within Lori and me is a binding force that unites and, like fresh water, keeps us young and vital spiritually, even though we may sometimes have bodily aches and pains, and brittle emotions. We share God’s Word every morning and last thing before sleeping. The Word of God is the source of our strength and the bedrock of our love. But I still have to choose to see her with the eager eyes of a youthful lover.
As I approached our dinner table that night on the cruise, Lori smiled, and suddenly, I saw the 15-year-old girl grinning, holding her Sonic water with extra ice on that first date almost 50 years ago.
And I realized the man married 61-years years had been right.
Love will continue to mature yet stay fresh the longer two lovers attempt to see each other with the passion and zest they did when they were younger, even if it means playing like “fools in love.”
It’s true: treat her young, and she will stay young.
And so will the marriage.