“Who gave you permission to tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus? I think if we’re going to destroy our son’s delusions, I should be a part of it.”
—Scott Calvin, (played by actor Tim Allen in the movie, The Santa Claus, 1994).
“Some of the kids at school say Santa’s not real, but I don’t believe them. Santa is real. I just know it.” My sister-in-law, Lisa Suriano, was quoting her 8 year old son, Cooper. “What do you think I should do?” Lisa asked me. “Should I tell him?”
I didn’t need to ask, “Tell him what?” I knew exactly what she meant: the truth about Santa Claus.
Should parents tell their kids that Santa Claus is not real? Or is it okay to “play along,” and enjoy a child’s season of magical thinking with Santa at Christmas?
For some parents this is a big issue, and they are quite intense in their conviction: participating in the Santa tradition is tantamount to deceiving children, setting up a situation that can cause a child to doubt the trustworthiness of the parent.
But for others, it’s a healthy way of experiencing the joy and anticipation of receiving gifts. And, in those homes where the Santa tradition is welcomed, he is enjoyed for a while until the kids discover he is a myth. For some, as with our daughter Mary-Elizabeth and son Harrison, it comes when they see mom and dad, or an uncle or aunt, putting out the Santa gifts; for others, as with our son, Dave, it’s another sibling who breaks the news about Santa’s demise; and then for some, like our daughter, Madi, it’s schoolmates who are the informants about Santa’s fictional identity.
I don’t think any of these children, although they may have been disappointed at the time, experienced emotional trauma at the discovery that Santa doesn’t exist .Nor did it lead them to doubt their parents on larger life issues.
But, still, I have a concern here about how this plays out: a distinction should be made somewhere in the conversation with children between what is true about religion and morality and what is simply playful make-believe. I fear we may undermine the reality of the religious event we celebrate. We may inadvertently communicate to our children that it’s all just a story, nothing more than a myth: the birth of Jesus and Santa; Christ’s resurrection and the Easter Bunny— both melt into the same fictional genre: simply children’s fairy tale stories we outgrow.
But Santa Claus does have a history, although it’s embedded in tradition. His story grew from St. Nicholas, who was a bishop in a region of what is now Turkey. According to tradition, he was known for his love for his church and for the plight of poor children. St. Nicholas was reputed to have secretly delivered three bags of gold down a chimney to a poor family to provide a dowry for three unmarried sisters. From this developed the tradition of Santa Claus, a Dutch version of St. Nicholas.
Perhaps, by telling about St. Nicholas and how the story of Santa came from him, those who want to keep the Santa tradition can uphold the spiritual aspect of this season and still let Santa come down the chimney. Maybe they could say to their children something like, “Santa Claus is a wonderful story about a person who gave gifts and loved and cared for people. The main thing we need to remember is that Santa reminds us that God is the greatest gift-giver of all, and that’s what Christmas is really all about.”
What parents do with Santa is a personal matter; each family must come to terms with their own family traditions. But no matter what we do with Santa, it is unlikely we will shield our children from the possibility of doubt—and that includes the “real” Christmas. After all, Jesus’ own cousin, John the Baptist, had his doubts. In prison, he found himself knee deep in confusion. “Is it true? Is it him? Is he just another self-proclaimed messiah? Should we wait for another? Is it just another story?”
So John asked. And Jesus answered, “Go back to John and tell him what you have heard and seen—the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor. And tell him, ‘God blesses those who do not turn away because of me.’”
Notice, if you will, Jesus never said, “I’m the Messiah, for certain; without a doubt, I’m the one.” He only pointed to the evidence. He answered, but his answer still left room for the necessity of faith. For without faith, Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas, would it?
No doubt.
Life Matters is written by David B. Whitlock, Ph.D. His email is drdavid@davidwhitlock.org. David’s website is www.davidwhitlock.org.