It should come as no surprise that so many of us feel lonely during the holidays.
According to ResearchHub, 17% of older people are in contact with family, friends and neighbors less than once a week and 11% are in contact less than once a month, and over half (51%) of all people aged 75 and over live alone.
Christmas, with the reunion of family and friends, is certain to remind these older adults of their alone way of life.
But the elderly are not alone in being alone: Another study found that one in ten millennials – meaning those who are between 25 and 34 years of age– say they have no one with whom they will spend Christmas.
My mom is 95. This will be her second Christmas without Dad. She is surrounded by other people who love her, but she still has powerful feelings of loneliness.
I have four children, all millennials, three of whom are still single. I am thankful they are not alone during the holidays, because it would seem that loneliness would be an ever-present possibility for them.
But avoiding loneliness is not as simple as being with others. A divorce lawyer asked a client: “You haven’t been married very long. Why did you get married in the first place?”
The client answered, “I was lonely, and I hated being by myself, so I got married.”
“Then why do you want to divorce your husband?” the attorney asked.
The client again answered, “Because I am lonely, and I hate being by myself all the time.”
Neither is loneliness confined to the Christmas season. Some studies list loneliness as the most common anxiety of people today. Other research indicates that as many as 50 percent of the population experiences chronic loneliness.
Someone you know is lonely.
Maybe you are lonely.
Loneliness most often results from several factors: life transitions, including career changes, children leaving home, and retirement; separation from familiar surroundings, and that includes family and friends; being misunderstood or unfairly criticized; and the experience of being rejected, either from a relationship or work, or both.
What can we do when loneliness threatens our well-being?
In the Bible, there’s a story about David before he became King David. He and the people he led had lost everything, and his followers were unjustly blaming David, even threatening to kill him. The seemingly invincible David was experiencing failure, the grief of major loss, and the pain of rejection.
The Scripture says David “encouraged and strengthened himself in the Lord” (I Samuel 30:6).
David then took control and got busy in his effort to reclaim what had been stolen from him and his followers.
Sometimes the best defense against loneliness is an effective offense. Loneliness can be viewed as a signal, like hunger, that some area of life needs addressing.
As much as possible, take control of what you can in your circumstance of life. Do something, anything—as long as it’s positive and has the potential to help others and yourself.
I read about a seven-word cure for loneliness: “Get busy doing something for someone else.”
Then leave it with them. You are not powerful enough to dispel all the loneliness others may have. They too have to make a choice about what to do with their feelings.
It’s no guarantee, but helping someone else is one of the surest ways to dissipate that dark cloud of despair hovering over you. In doing so, you might just open the curtains, allowing the sunshine of hope to shine in the darkened rooms of your lonely life.
In trying to provide a lift to some lonely person this Christmas, you might discover a surprise gift: the best antidote to your own feelings of loneliness may just be in the giving of yourself to others.