Some days life comes at us like a hardball, fast and furious; other times, it’s a slow burn, wearing us down, minute upon tedious minute. In either case, facing the day with a smile can be a challenge, maybe even impossible, we think.
I don’t know what Garth goes through before he comes to work as a waiter in the all-inclusive resort where he works and where I was vacationing. Maybe it’s a fight from the time his feet hit the floor, perhaps in a one-room house, with crying babies in dirty diapers and a complaining, unemployed wife; or maybe it’s quiet, solitary, unchallenging, with minimal affirmation.
What I do know is Garth brought me my morning coffee and asked if I needed anything.
“How are you doing?” I asked him midway through my breakfast buffet. He seemed to be hiding some sadness, maybe carrying a private burden.
Caught off guard by my question, he paused momentarily, tilting his head. Then breaking into a grin, he declared, “The smile is up.”
Now he caught me by surprise. “The smile is up?” I queried.
“It’s been a rough morning, but the smile is up,” like he had just reminded himself to smile.
“Have a good rest of the day,” I said later as I left.
I would see Garth each morning as he went about his services dutifully. I couldn’t help but notice him smiling, even though it seemed difficult for him at times.
What’s it like, I wondered, to be employed in the service industry at a resort, waiting on people, many of whom have an entitlement mentality?
I thought of Murray Bartlett’s superb performance as the character, “Armond,” manager of the White Lotus resort in Hawaii, in the HBO comedy-drama, “White Lotus.”
“You have to treat these people like sensitive children,” he advises one of his employees in training.
That’s not an easy task, I’m sure, and I wondered if Garth looked at me like one of those “sensitive children,” the offspring of privilege, taking for granted the seat where I relished being served, fantasizing that I was British royalty since the resort in Turks and Caicos was a British Overseas Territory. There was no denying Garth and I lived in two separate realities.
Each day I would ask Garth how he was doing and if the smile was up that day. “The smile is up,” he would affirm, like an embattled sea captain boldly announcing, “The flag is still flying.”
One morning he added, “All is good, my brother,” following up with a fist bump.
After breakfast one morning, I sat sipping my coffee, chatting with Garth and Janet, one of the waitresses. Her smile was up, too. “We try not to sulk or let hard days get us down.”
They were right, of course. It’s easier to smile than to frown. It takes 43 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile. A study several years ago found that smiling can help us cope with immediate stressors in our life by reducing the intensity of our body’s stress response. Its effectiveness isn’t dependent on whether we are happy or not. Another study found that it’s easier to smile when we are around people who are smiling. So, smiling is contagious.
Smiling can change my attitude from grumpy to pleasant. Over time, I’m happier and healthier if my smile is up. And, I had rather be around smiling people if I have a choice.
Supposedly, one of Abraham Lincoln’s advisors strongly suggested a certain person serve on Lincoln’s cabinet. Lincoln refused, saying he didn’t like the man’s face. When the advisor protested, “But he isn’t responsible for his face,” Lincoln countered, “Every man over 40 is responsible for his face.”
The biblical proverb says, “A glad heart makes a happy face.” (Proverbs 15:13)
I’m choosing a happy face in hopes that if I don’t feel it in my heart at the moment, I will soon.
Hustling to the dining room as our taxi arrived to take us to the airport, I shook Garth’s hand, placing an extra gratuity in his grasp. “Smile’s up,” my friend.
“Smile’s up, my brother, ” he grinned.
So we parted: he remaining in his world; I returning to mine.
And both of us smiling.